Minutes from the first Badger movie meeting

• Posted by Bizunth
• Category: Articles

 

Foreword by Weebl

As some of you may know, we were recently in discussions with a fairly major Hollywood studio over a potential film based around the Badger Badger Badger cartoon. I couldn't make the first meeting about the script but Joel (Bizunth) Jessup who is the main writter on the project kindly took minutes for me. Since we are all excited about this I thought it would be great to post them here for you all to look at as well.

Enjoy!



BADGERS: THE MOVIE

Part 1: Badger Moon Rising
Transcript of first pre-pre-production meeting.
People:

• Tara Ampersand-Executive Producer, Prednisolone Productions
• Clive Falk- Director
• Joel Jessup- Freelance screenwriter

TARA: Look, this isn’t going to be Lord of the Rings.
JOEL: Right.
CLIVE: Although it will be a trilogy.
TARA: You’ll have full creative rein. All we want is for it to be nail-biting and hilarious and breathtakingly touching. So…hit us!
JOEL: OK, uh…
TARA: BAM!!
JOEL: OK…I suppose it’s about the badgers…
TARA: <Makes very annoying tongue clicking sound >
JOEL: They live in the forest, farming the mushrooms…
TARA: We’re not including the mushrooms until the second movie.

JOEL: …What?

TARA: We have to milk the concept cow very gently. The first movie sets up the franchise.
JOEL: … Can I use the snake?
TARA: Oh yeah, sure! All we ask of this is that it wins, uh, at least three Oscars.
CLIVE: And it has to be longer than the animation.
JOEL: Well, that’s going to be difficult, seeing as it’s infinite.

<20 seconds of silence>

TARA: What?
JOEL: Well, it’s a round isn’t it? Like Frere Jacques.
TARA: OK… So who is this Ferrero Jack? Is he the villain?
CLIVE: Nah, that’s the snake.
TARA: OK, so he’s a friend of the Badgers, great. Wait, will Ferrero Rocher sue?
JOEL: No, it’s… Frere means brother in French!
TARA: So he’s the brother of the badgers?
CLIVE: Nice. But people don’t like the French.
TARA: OK, so we make him American, call him Jack… Freedom.

<Unidentified noise, possibly weeping>

JOEL: Sniff…Didn’t you say Weebl was going to be here?
TARA: He said he’d try to pop by, but he is SUPER. BUSY. RIGHT. NOW.
CLIVE: Listen, Joel…
JOEL: Yeah?
CLIVE: Let me chop it out for you… Woody Allen made the Manhattan movie, Bertolucci made the Paris movie… I want to make the Milton Keynes movie. The Milton Keynes movie.
JOEL: I don’t know if I’m right for this project.
TARA: We’ll pay for lunch.
JOEL: I am your bitch.
SKOO: Hi guys!

<Everyone leaves.>