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Crank

Crank

 
Normally Moog does the Orange Wednesday film reviews for this site but due to his rampant Stathamophobia (which he brandished for all to see in a shameful display last time), I have decided to step up and be a man. A man who watches a film and then tells you what he thought about it.


Jason plays Chev Chelios. A name that is really rather odd since he’s clearly more of a Dave Davis or Gav Griffith kind of chap. He wakes to find he’s been poisoned with some crazy Chinese drug that will kill him unless he keeps his adrenaline a pumping. That’s correct folks. Jason Statham plays the bus from Speed or possibly the boat from Speed 2. I'm not completely sure if that last one is true since I'm not stupid enough to go watch that particular filmic turd.

In order to give him self enough time to enact his revenge on those who would see the mighty Chev (prrrftt) come a cropper he cuts a high speed, fisticuffs, drugs and very public sex indeed based path to his target. Some of the scenes are plain stupid, some are borderline racist and some are absolutely misogynistic. Most however are entertaining in the same way as say the GTA series of games. Talking of GTA the film has several nods to it both in theme and graphical style.

While there are some nice sequences in here and indeed a few giggles at the sheer silliness of it all I found my main problem was that Chev really isn’t that likable a person. He is a hit man mind so he’s not going to be the fluffiest bunny in the hutch. I’m sure he loves his Mum though, so he can’t be all bad eh?

This is not going to win any Oscars nor is it something to take a lady friend to when you go a courting. Actually if you didn’t like her and wished to find an easy way to break up with her then this is absolutely the film to go watch. If you like GTA then you’ll probably enjoy it as much as I did but I’d say it’s nowhere near as much fun as the first Transporter film, which I can guarantee Moog would also hate.




And now some cartoon we apparently need to show in order to get paid.
 
 
 
 
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